Mother teaches child a lesson in trusting God
Mother teaches child a lesson in trusting God
By Laurie Toupin
July 26, 2003
For those who read the Interfaith Perspectives column, I must apologize for the long hiatus. In January, my husband and I left for Guatemala to pick up our new daughter, Maria, and life has been wonderful, yet hectic ever since! I’ve thought about this column many times though and have longed to begin writing again.
I would like to jump start the column by sharing our adoption experience. This is a good time, as not only will she officially become a U.S. citizen this month, but also she will be christened in my husband’s church on Sunday.
We got a call from the adoption agency . . . but not the one we were expecting.
“I’m sorry,” our social worker began. “You won’t be getting your baby before Christmas.”
I was heartbroken.
I know waiting is part of the adoption process. But we had originally been told that we would get our baby in August, then October, then by Thanksgiving, and then definitely before Christmas.
Now, who knew when?
I called my husband at work and couldn’t quit crying. Nor could I shake feelings of anger and frustration. I had heard stories of problem adoptions, but I never believed it would happen to us, especially not from our agency.
Now, I couldn’t get them out of my mind. I resented everyone – our social worker for not doing more, our Guatemalan lawyer whom I had never met, the foster mother for wanting to hang on to our little girl and make more money. Oh . . . all the ugly, unreasonable thoughts that ran through my head.
I knew in my heart that these thoughts weren’t going to bring her home. But what can one do when everything seems so far out of your control?
There was only one thing I could do . . . turn to God.
This wasn’t the first time that I had done this. All my life I’ve turned to God whenever I’ve been troubled or upset about anything. Now I turned to him with my whole heart. I wasn’t trying to tell Him how to do His job or when to bring our daughter home. I only wanted a sense of peace. I didn’t like feeling I was at the mercy of paperwork and government bureaucracy. Instead, I wanted to feel that calm and trust that comes from knowing God is control of our lives.
I knew resentment, frustration and anger are ingredients for failure. They may animate human willpower into accomplishing a certain goal, but the way will usually be paved with thorns. Feelings get hurt, bridges get burned.
So what is the antidote for resentment? Love. I had to love our social worker who I knew was doing everything she could. I had to love our lawyer who wasn’t just working on our case but had many children she was trying to place in homes. I had to love the foster mother who was giving of herself every day to keep Maria safe and happy. And I had to love the Guatemalan government officials who had more to do than just push our paperwork through.
It was a struggle to find that sense of love, at least at first. But the first book of the Bible told me that I was created in the image of likeness of God. And in I John, Paul writes that God is love. Therefore I must be the image and likeness of Love. It is my divine nature to love, be loveable, and loving.
I also strove to get a better understanding of the concept of motherhood and fatherhood.
When Jesus taught his disciples the Lord’s Prayer, he began with “Our Father which art in heaven.”
Mary Baker Eddy in her book “Science and Health: gives the spiritual interpretation of that line as: “Our Father-Mother God, all-harmonious.”
I understood this to mean that He was Maria’s true parent. That He was her father and mother, who was loving her, caring for her and comforting her. Even though my husband and I couldn’t be with her physically, I could trust that God was already meeting all her needs, and that she was already home in the arms of divine love.
I didn’t have to fight for Maria. Instead, I had to trust that God was working His purpose out in the lives of all His children.
I even wrote a letter to my daughter during this time that I will share with her when she is a little older:
Dear Maria,
As your dad and I wait for your arrival, I thought I would write you this letter just in case I forget to tell you these things once you are old enough to understand!
The most important thing that you will ever learn in this life is God. Learn about Him and who He is. Why? Because you will also learn about yourself. You are His child – not mine, not your dad’s, nor your “birth” parents. God gave you to Daddy and me to care for you. But He is your true Mother and Father. He made you and will always care about you and watch over you.
You are everything He is. And anything He isn’t, you are not.
He is fun, beautiful, smart, strong, intelligent, kind, loving, and happy. And so are you! You can’t ask for a better inheritance than that!
Besides being your Mother and Father, God is the best friend you will ever have.
You will be able to tell Him anything and He will always listen. He is only a thought away.
Talk to Him everyday. Tell Him everything. If you have a question, just ask. He will answer you. He will never be too busy or too tired. He will never scold or punish. He is always patient, kind and understanding.
If you ever feel scared or are in trouble, He will be there immediately to help. He will send His angels to watch over you and protect you.
If you feel lonely or have no one to play with, play with God. He is always with you and loves to play!
If you ever think you don’t feel well, turn to God. Think of how Jesus healed others and know that God will heal you too. He didn’t create you to be under the weather. He created you in His image and likeness!
God is everything that your dad and I long to be. He is our Father and Mother too, but every now and then we may not remember. Once in a while we may do things that aren’t very Godlike such as get impatient. Please be patient with us and remind us that God is with us too!
You will never want for anything as long as you take God with you wherever you go. He is your teacher, guide, parent, family, protector, healer, playmate, and best friend. He is your Everything!
But most of all, remember He always loves you. And so do I.
Love,
Mom
After several days of praying this way, I reached a sense of peace. I stopped resenting and began to cherish all the work and dedication these people do everyday to bring families together. I actually felt the love the appreciation in my heart for everyone involved.
I also realized that geography has no bearing on God’s love, nor His power. He was in charge here in the United States as well as in Guatemala. And nothing can stand in the way of God’s good purpose or His plan for His beloved children.
That Sunday morning as I was sitting in church, I actually heard a voice in my head saying “Go down to Guatemala.” Throughout the rest of the church service, I prayed about this message to be sure that it wasn’t my will, but that this was actually a message from God.
Afterward, I shared this with my husband. One of the reasons we chose Guatemala was because it did not require a long stay . . . a couple of days at the most. What I was proposing was to just go down and stay until we could bring her home.
To my surprise, he thought it was a great idea. We agreed I would go down by myself and he would come after I got a feel for how long it was going to take.
I called the agency the next day to make arrangements. From that time forward, everything fell into place. We began getting messages that our paperwork was going through. Even though it was Christmas, people worked hard on our case.
By the time I left on Jan. 6, my husband had to fly down two days after because we had our final meeting with the U.S. Embassy on Jan. 9.
Once we arrived, we met with only love. Our lawyer offered us use of her apartment so we didn’t have to stay in a hotel room.
As a result, we met several wonderful neighbors who took us all over their country. And the foster mother was so in love with our daughter that she cried to have to give her up. All in all, it was a marvelous experience.
After arriving, I found out why I got that message in church that day.
I made the initial call to the adoption agency on Dec. 20 to say I was going to Guatemala. The lawyer got the final release signature from the birth mother on Dec. 23. This was the last possible day for them to get the signature as she passed away the next day. Had they waited any longer, Maria would have been lost to us and become a ward of the state.
Today, thanks to God’s direction and guidance, we have a wonderful, happy, loving little girl. I marvel each day that she is actually here in our home, filling it with laughter and love.
In my heart, I know divine love brought her home. And I also know that divine love is caring for Maria’s birth mother in a place far better than the one she left. I am also grateful to Maria’s birth mother for putting her up for adoption so that her daughter could bless us in so many ways.
Laurie Toupin is a member of First Church Christ, Scientist, and serves on the board of directors of the Nashua Area Interfaith Council as a delegate at large.